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Just for the Fun of it, we are launching a Blog series, entitled: “HOT TOPICS!” (Doesn’t that sound interesting?)
This is an opportunity for us to address issues that in many cases, have become very difficult for people to deal with and may even find embarrassing,

Do I Have To?

But as we strive to become more like Jesus,,, these are issues that we absolutely must talk about. Are you ready?

This information was compiled from the Pastor’s notes on the recently concluded Message Series entitled: “Hot Topics” as it was taught by Mid Lakes Christian Church Senior Pastor; Doug Dykstra. (See what you missed?)

Let’s begin

As we deal with “Becoming A+ Christians in a XXX World,” It is unfortunate that satan has manufactured so many lies that it seems impossible to find the right way for our lives.
That is why the Bible says: “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” (Prov 14:12)
As we walk through this topic, we’ll be studying questions like:
➢ What about homosexuality
➢ Divorce
➢ Addictions, like alcohol, gambling, drugs
➢ Internet, and porn
➢ Abortion
➢ The Occult

But today, we’ll be dealing with the seriously HOT TOPIC of: “What does God have to say about sex outside of marriage?” (did somebody just say ouch?)

Unfortunately, the world is SHOUTING it’s answers to all of these questions,,, and sadly, the church has become timid, seemingly, afraid to speak out. Many churches simply acquiesce to the standards that are being shouted out through lifestyles, television, movies, activities in universities, clubs, bars and the millions of other social avenues available today for us to interact with society at large.

Professor and Christian author, Howard Hendricks said it right: “In the midst of a generation screaming for answers, Christians are stuttering.”
But we must not stutter! We must “speak the truth in love” as Paul says – but boldly, so there can be no misunderstanding.

Quite often, this is hard for Christians to talk about, we feel like the father who’s son, at a boarding school, just turned 14. It’s awkward…
Dad realized it was that time for “THE TALK” – the talk that all dads hate to have with their sons, So, he took the coward’s way out – He wrote a letter:
“Dear Son,
Now that you have reached the magical age of 14, the time has come for me to tell you about the bees and flowers.
There is a male bee and a female bee, (although I haven’t the slightest idea which is which.)
As for the flowers – we get ours from Plaza Florists. They’re in the book. Well, that takes care of that. We should talk again soon…

Your Father.”

We tend to feel pretty smart about these issues, but when it comes down to it, we may not know all that we think we know…

I love the story about a 4-year-old girl who had a habit of sucking her thumb. Mom tried to scare her out of the habit by saying that if she keeps sucking her thumb, she’ll eventually blow up like a balloon.
The next day, mom and the 4-year-old were at church, standing next to a very pregnant lady. The little girl walked up to the expectant mother pointed to her tummy and said: “I know what you’ve been doing!”

Our modern society is TRIVIALIZING the Momentous!

(It is important to note here that there is NOTHING CASUAL about sex.)

Let’s see what sexual relationships outside of marriage accomplish…. They:

  1. Anger God
  2. Destroy your marriage
  3. Eliminate your self-esteem, reputation
  4. Destroy your walk with God
  5. Endanger your health
  6. Risk destroying a potential child’s life, (assuming he is allowed to live) And….
  7. They destroy all these things for your partner, too

– – – So….what’s so casual about it?
We say that our society has over-emphasized sex – but the truth is they don’t emphasize it enough. They’ve TRIVIALIZED it!

A great story about a mom taking with her daughter before going out on her first date. Mom says: “Sometimes it’s easy to get carried away when your with a boy, so Remember, a short moment of indiscretion could ruin your life.”
The daughter: “Don’t worry, Mom, I don’t plan on ruining my life until I get married.”

(In our society, this term is never used of marital sex, which is the only safe sex)

There are a raft of sexually transmitted diseases out there, and many of them deadly. Instead of doing the right thing and teaching abstinence, the issue of Sex is dealt with in conversations where it is referred to as “Safe Sex.”

It is sadistic for parents, school systems, and Planned Parenthood, etc., to pass out condoms to kids and give them a pat on the head, telling them all about “safe sex,” they are deliberately perverting our children.

School systems from middle school through college should be sued for perverting kids and risking their health. It’s depraved indifference. When a student gets pregnant or picks up an STD, the school system should be sued for encouraging their extremely risky behavior!
Here’s why…..

  • First of all, when they pass out condoms, they are conferring adult approval to immoral and self-destructive behavior… “If today’s schools were teaching drug education the way they teach sex education, they would be handing out clean needles and showing the kids how to shoot up.”
  • Secondly, condoms have a 15% failure rate – they leak either because of flaws in the latex, or by breaking from deterioration.

Imagine you are at a parachute school and the instructor tells your class of 20 students: “3 of you are going to drop like a rock, but don’t let that worry you – it’s only 15%! Ok, now lets load up and have fun!” Whatever…

But our educational leaders avoid the stark reality of their own research…..
-No wonder so many kids are surprised by their pregnancies
-No wonder so many kids who are practicing what they consider to be “safe sex” are surprised with their diseases;

Fact!: “The AIDS Virus is 1000 times smaller than sperm”
Fact!: “The rubber comprising a latex condom has intrinsic voids about 5 microns in size!” (The HIV virus is 0.1 micron.) source: (Roland, Rubber World. June 1993. Roland and Sobieski, Rubber Chemistry and Technology. Vol. 62, 1989.)
Fact!: “The University of Texas tested condoms against the AIDS virus and found the failure rate to be 31%!”

Dr. Robert C. Noble, professor at University of Ky said this: “Doctors can’t fix most of the things you can catch out there. There’s no cure for AIDS. There’s no cure for herpes or genital warts. Gonorrhea can ruin your chances of ever getting pregnant and can harm your baby if you do. That afternoon in the motel may leave you with an infection that you’ll have to explain to your spouse.

There is no safe sex outside of marriage and Condoms aren’t going to make a dent in the sexual epidemics that we are facing. If the condom breaks, there is a possibility that you may die.
We should stop kidding ourselves.

Fact!: “The United States’ Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reports that 56 million Americans have an incurable STD. That means 1 in 5 Americans are infected!”

At a recent conference of 800 “sexologists,” Dr. Theresa Crenshaw asked them to raise their hands if they would trust a condom to protect them with a person known to have HIV. At first, not one raised their hand. Finally one raised his hand.
Dr. Crenshaw went on to tell them that it is irresponsible for therapists and counselors to give advice to others which they would not follow themselves.
She said: “The point is, putting a mere balloon between a healthy body and a deadly disease is not safe.”

Even though we are addressing a large number of facts and concerns about the teachings of “SAFE Sex,”
None of this even touches the problem of unwanted pregnancies, which destroy the lives of the “lovers,” and their families on both sides, and the poor unwanted child, who will never enjoy a normal family relationship

Beyond that, of course, there is the pressure to kill the unborn child, which if she yields, will lead to the ruin the mother’s life with perpetual guilt.

What a tangled mess we’ve made of our lives.

I know that many think that God sits in heaven devising ways to put passions into our hearts and then telling us not to follow them, but the truth is that sexual relations outside of marriage are displeasing to God because of their destructive behavior.

  • Self-destructive to us, personally
  • Destructive to our marriages, children, and future children
  • Destructive to our extended families
  • Destructive to the sexual partner
  • Destructive to our church, and even our community

Immorality breeds pain, heartbreak, and wretchedness, and that’s why God has placed a fence around the mountain of sex….because He knows what’s best for us.

God’s aim is not to keep us from experiencing pleasure, but rather to keep us from destroying ourselves and everyone whose life our life touches.

Websites to check out condom failure rates:


1 Thessalonians 4:3-6 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified; that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him.” (6a)

We constantly hear warnings about Con-Men, i.e; Men who work the confidence game. They will promise a new roof…. take your money and run. Paul is saying that no one who is a Christian should become a con-man, “wrong his brother,” or “take advantage of him”
Def:= to defraud someone, to steal, to pull a con

Sure, it’s “CONSENSUAL SEX” – in the same way as Con-men work at consensual stealing, they don’t use guns, they use stealth, lies, the ruse. They get you to give your money to them, gladly!
CONSENSUAL SEX is the same thing.

Con men will say anything to get you to cooperate with them in their scheme, that’s what happens with immoral sexual relationships where, often, words like: “I love you so much” flow freely.

How is this stealing?
If you are married, you are stealing what belongs to your spouse, Likewise, if your partner is married, you’re stealing from his/her spouse.
If we’re unmarried….we are stealing what belongs to future spouses.
In addition, we are stealing from the potential child, who will come from this relationship and who will most likely, never know a normal mother / father relationship.
Finally, everyone is being robbed of dignity, self-respect, purity, and their walk with God


It is no wonder that extra-marital sex angers God so much, those who engage in extra-marital sex do not view their partner as someone who is precious, sacred, valuable…..
Instead, their partner is a collection of body parts to be exploited for one’s own pleasure – – – No wonder God is so angry about this!

The truth is, love has nothing to do with it because we don not exploit the one we love.

Sadly, guys will lie to their “partners” about their commitment and love – and according to research, women will believe it.
A study at a Midwestern college showed that 80% of the women who were living with a man believed they would marry, but only 12% of the guys believed that. This only compounds the problem, since this 80/12 philosophy has led to the delay of marriage.

Since women are disrespecting themselves so much that they don’t require marriage any longer before giving guys what they want, the guys see no need at all to commit themselves to marriage
To put it crudely, men are asking: “Why should I buy the cow when I can get the milk for free.”
That may seem offensive, but that’s what’s happening, and women have no one to blame for their estate but themselves.

Marriage was created for the protection of women, and children. Many Modern Women have sold out their last hope for themselves and their kids by giving in.

According to scripture, PROMISCUITY ENRAGES GOD

Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God?
Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (I Cor 6:9-10)

Many of us have been sexually immoral in the past and many are still carrying around guilt from those days – maybe even years later, But, I have some really good news….
As Paul continues his discussion with the Corinthians…The next verse says…..
11 And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (I Cor 6:11)



a. Adultery begins long before the one-night-stand
b. It doesn’t start with the act, but with the imagination that considers such an action a possibility. After all, my wife/husband will never know. Never find out.
c. Even if your spouse never finds out – you’ll always know

I’ll never forget visiting an elder who was a great leader, highly respected, who had been a Christian all his life. He was on his death bed (cancer) and before I left, he asked his wife to leave the room. Once she was gone, he said: “There was a time in our marriage that I was unfaithful to my wife – do you think I should tell her before I die?”
He’d been carrying his infidelity for many years.

No mater what our culture says, sinful sex is not:
And, it’s anything but: “Love”


Extra marital sex results in;
a. Disease
b. Unwanted pregnancy
c. Breaking up a home
d. Guilt
e. Broken children
f. The wrath of God
– – – where’s the good news in all this?


I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.” Job 31:1

a. Learn self-control

b. Some people think that if they get involved in immorality it will ease their passions. They think it will take away their thirst for sex.

c. But just the opposite is true. Sexual passions are addictive.

d. Like all addictions, they are easier to prevent than to cure

e. Having more sinful relationships are no more a treatment for lust than drinking more whiskey is a treatment for alcoholism.



1. Are your friends the kind of people who reject God’s standards?
2. We need to ask ourselves why we hang around the people we hang with.
3. Why am I attracted to friendships with ungodly people?

1. It’s foolish for an alcoholic to go to a bar to sip water. You just don’t go there.
2. And, we all know of places, events, people – who will lead us into sin. Just get decisive and stay away from them
3. And, guys, if someone says that you’re not a man if you don’t have sex with them, tell her that cockroaches have sex – so what does that tell you???

1. Many Christian girls and women may not have sexual addictions, but they dress like they do because they have accepted the culture we live in
2. So, everything they have is tight, or short, or low – or all 3
3. Women must not use their bodies to generate lust in men. If your figure is that good, you don’t have to show it off.
4. The lame excuse many women use is: “Well, that’s his problem” or “He can look the other way” doesn’t cut it, and isn’t based on reality.
5. If your dress creates lust within men, you have led them into sin, and you’re as guilty as they are.

We need to dread our own weakness
1. We think too highly of ourselves. We think we can handle these situations. So, we walk into them, and up with moral failure
2. Someone was interviewing the well-known Christian speaker and author,
Gordon McDonald.
The interviewer asked: “If Satan were to be successful at destroying your life with sin, how do you think he would do it?”
McDonald: “Well, certainly he can tempt me in many ways, but one area he’ll not be successful in is my marriage.”

Soon thereafter, through a series of seemingly innocent events, he found himself in an affair. That’s why Paul says:
So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! (I Cor 10:12)

A young priest was talking to an old priest, saying: “When will I be freed from lusting after women?” The older priest replied: “Son, I wouldn’t trust myself around a pretty women until I’ve been dead for 3 days.”

1. You probably cringe every time you think of it.
2. You’re probably questioning whether God can forgive you. Satan draws us into sin and then keeps reminding us of our guilt after we went there.
3. I have a text for you:
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. (II Cor 5:21)

1. Are you doing the live-in thing
2. Married, having an affair?
3. Kids doing the touchy-feely thing

1. If you are in these situations, get out of it now!
2. Get out of it like you’re running out of a burning house
3. “Flee from sexual immorality.” (I Cor 6:18a)

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (Heb 13:4)

God’s not a kill-joy! He’s the one who invented sex! But He intended it only for within the marriage relationship. But, God will surely judge those who are sexually immoral.

As a ministry of Mid Lakes Christian Church in Tavares, FL., we want you to know that there is a place you can go, where you will be loved, you can find help, and most importantly, you can find out what it means to be in a relationship with Jesus Christ.

We look forward to seeing you soon, or hearing from you.www.Mid-Lakes.org